Thursday, December 28, 2017

Snowball fight in the Cheap Seats on Christmas Eve

Hey Drunk Bear Fans! It's been a while since we hollered at ya. Sadly the Bears have been so abysmal that we haven't been going to as many games and the drunks even seem subdued.

But here's a view of drunks up in the cheap seats having a snowball fight as the Bears beat the hapless Browns on Christmas eve.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Mayor Daley Returns!

Our (two) loyal readers know that we are fans of the great "Mayor Daley"!  He takes his shirt off around 10:30 and screams about how it is "our house" and a bunch of unintelligible other raving.  He is easy to spot because he hangs around with a big guy whose shirt says "Drunk'n Idiot".  If you want to get a laugh look at some of our Mayor Daley videos by clicking here.   I'd have to say that NO ONE represents the ethos of the drunken Bears fan more than Mayor Daley.

Fan on Field

I am going out on a limb here making the assumption that the idiot who ran out in the gorilla suit was a drunk. Pretty funny up in the stands though.

Fruity Drinks In the Stands?

Up in the cheap seats I noticed some innovation by the loathsome Chicago Park District - some sort of fruity alcoholic drink for girls. Or this guy. Wouldn't want to get a big stand of this crap spilled on you.

Bears Fans

This guy is a motorcycle rider with a message I'd assume.

Chicago probably is about as safe as Compton if you are in the wrong neighborhood. But probably OK where this guy is from (likely the burbs anyways).

This guy is a bona-fide sports fan almost every team and stadium tattooed on his arm. That's a lot of drinking I'd assume.

Cutler Makes Me Drink

We saw a lot of these shirts on Chicago fans. Cutty has never been too popular in these parts. I think many of these folks would be drinking anyways. Soon they will need a new shirt for Hoyer or whomever replaces him when our porous O-Line allows him to get stomped.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Efficient Beer Line Theory

After living in the midwest my entire life I moved to Portland recently. Thus I am not completely surrounded by morbidly obese binge drinking alcoholics at all times - which is frankly confusing to me since that's all I know and understand.

For instance - one thing that any Bears fan would take for granted is that
From your current location, it will take the same time to get a beer from any of the available options
Let me give you an example - if there is a beer line right by you, it is probably long. If there is one far away, it probably has a shorter line, but it will take you a while to get there (and back). THIS EQUALIZES INSTANTLY BECAUSE ALL DRUNKS ARE CONSTANTLY MONITORING THIS EQUATION. We just take for granted that this is how every human views the world, looking to maximize their booze consumption.

However, in Portland, there are inefficiencies everywhere. I recently was at a show and there were long beer lines and I looked to a different part of the concert hall and there was a short line. This can't be, I thought. If there is a short line, there must be something wrong (like they only have strange alcohol or, God forbid, no booze at all). But I just walked over and got a drink in the short line while all the buffoons stood stock-still in the in-efficient line.

I can't shake this hard-won ability to obtain beer in the most rapid and efficient manner because it is hard wired into my brain after years of midwestern sporting events and bars. Try out this theory next time you go anywhere and you will see for yourself.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Bringing an NFL fan to Soldier Field

Recently I was out drinking with a couple I met in Portland and the husband was a big football fan. He grew up in Kansas and somehow became a Steelers' fan. However, he's never been to an NFL game in his entire life.

I told him about my (doomed) allegiance to the Chicago Bears' even though I've moved away from Chicago and said if he wanted to go to a game and tailgate he could come out for the Bears vs. Lions on October 2nd when we were all getting together. There are only a few games with nice weather in Chicago and a Sunday noon start (as God intended) and this is mostly about it for 2016.

So he's interested. How to introduce a regular, normal NFL fan to what is to occur at Soldier Field? Well Drunk Bear Fans, of course, the most important site on the internet. I showed him some videos and photos of our fans at their very best.

But what else to expect? Likely very bad football, since this is the Bears vs. the Lions. And to a non-midwestern person, an incredible amount of alcohol drunk as fast as humanly possible before, during and after the game. Regular folks don't think that the optimal amount of booze to drink before the game is a 12 pack (each), but that's about right in the South Lot. And then you drink during the game, likely slowing down a bit due mainly to the idiotic logistics required to carry cans up to our nosebleed seats and then pour them, one at a time, into a cup while drunks stumble up and down the stairs in the way of everything.

Terrible food (except during our awesome tailgate). Never eat anything at Soldier Field. This ain't Jerry's world.

If you need to go to the bathroom, go with a few minutes to go before halftime. If you go at halftime, you will be down there so long you will miss the first few minutes of the third quarter. Yes, I guess they forgot that lots of guys are at Soldier Field drinking as fast as they can and that this is something you can "plan for" when you make a stadium. But the Bears didn't.

Lately we've been deafened in the cheap seats by announcements and music. Likely because the crowd is sitting on their hands (a 1-7 home record in 2015 will dampen the enthusiasm a bit).

We'll see what astounds him the most. The long, epic slog to the cheap non PSL seats, the incredible drunks, the bad football, the lack of bathrooms, or the fact that it takes forever to get out of the stadium if you happen to stay until the (likely bitter) end.

But hell I've been looking forward to this game all year!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Ironic Jersey

One of our favorite pastimes here at DBF is the "obscure jersey".  This is a variant of the obscure jersey - in Portland a young-ish (under 30) hipster was wearing a #9 McMahon jersey in a likely ironic fashion.  He probably bought it from a thrift store or something.

At least I used this opportunity to educate my nephew about McMahon and Charles Martin - the Green Bay scumbag who did a body slam on our QB during an interception return and cost the Bears a second Super Bowl.  I said how Bears fans were happy he's dead and gone.  His whole wikipedia page basically discusses this cheap shot - maybe the cheapest shot of all time (probably written by a Bears fan).

Sunday, November 1, 2015

100% Class

This guy was living the DBF lifestyle during halftime at the Vikings game.


This guy got tired of explaining the theory of relativity so he just got it printed on his hoodie.

In case you can't read it the sweatshirt says...

Psst.. Packers, Lions and Vikings still suck. F Them. Bears rule this division.

Off the Grid

Lately we've been a bit neglectful here at the most important site on the Internet.

With the Bears being pretty much terrible we haven't been in the South Lot which is the home of drunks.  Tailgating indoors In a more genteel environment or (gasp) even going to the game sober.

Hoping for a better team and more animated drunks next year.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Tailgating innovation

We are in Seattle and in a big lot and since it is legal in Washington they passed around a Seahawks pipe.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Carl, the DBF Santa

Carl Claus, delivering his bag of merriness to the Chicago Park District.


A few leakers here, but in general, a pretty good effort in the South Lot.

Shotgunning 9-13-15

Why do girls always have problems shotgunning?

Bears vs. Packers 9-13-15

To our dozens of readers!  Here is a nice update of some of the sights and sounds of Soldier Field, associated tailgating lots, and the drunk participants in this theater therein.

As always, security was tight.  Hey - hand over your booze!
 Some guys are just cheap.  But hey, I will give this dude credit.  Pretty creative.  Boston Strong! Go Bears!
 Carl and this gentleman got into an argument that ended up heated at times in the pisser line.  Of course we know this one is an obscure jersey, however the owner of said jersey insists Tom Waddle is a legend of some sort.  It was pretty surreal as to his steadfastness in his argument.
 While I always think it is a good thing for a dad to do things with his boy, playing beanbag by a smelly dumpster amid several thousand badly behaving, intoxicated football fans isn't exactly my idea of how best to bond.  Regardless, this guy is likely doing more for his boy than 95% of fathers everywhere so kudos.  Two soon to be obscure jerseys also add to the photo.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Drunk Bear Fans 2015

For some reason we didn't get that many drunk photos this year... well perhaps it is because this correspondent split 50% of an excellent bottle of gin before the game.

We did see some damn obscure jerseys with these two. Marcus Robinson played last for the Bears in 2002... that's 13 years ago, for those of you at home who are still counting. And Orton... well 'nuff said about him.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Drunk Bear Fans in Green Bay

This article describes the fans arrested at games in Green Bay. Not surprisingly, Bears games and Vikings games have the most arrests, and most of those that they arrest are out-of-town fans, although the stadium staff claims (unconvincingly) that they don't target opposing fans.

I laughed when they mentioned how many more arrests there are for night games than day games, and they blatantly cite that you have more hours of drinking prior to the game if it is at night as opposed to being at noon. No sh*t, sherlock. The most drunken event Dan and I have ever attended in person was the Wisconsin / Nebraska night game (Nebraska's first game at Madison) which started in the evening and the parking lots were completely packed by 6am. That's 12+ hours of solid drinking before the game even starts, which brings out the best in everyone.

Another factor is that if the Slack fans are found being drunk, they can take away their season tickets, which is a giant disincentive. They'd probably kill themselves or their family would kill them on their behalf if an arrest or ejection caused the loss of those tickets. Once a friend of mine got a ticket for smoking on Dan's Bears' tickets and we received a warning which sucked but hey we are in section 17 out of 17 sections so it isn't quite the same as losing tickets which represent literally the only interesting thing to do on a Sunday in northern Wisconsin.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Offseason at Wrigley

I guess it would be better filed under "Drunk Saints Fans" but we saw how George McCaskey was shoved by a fan during a Monday night game, and now that guy was found guilty and sentenced to 6 months supervision. This at his own stadium! You'd think that he'd be at least the one guy who received decent security at Soldier Field.

Recently I was at Wrigley in some of my friends' seats (thanks they were awesome! Not like the seats Dan and I have way up in the sky ha ha) and we could see the chairman Ricketts walking around talking to folks. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and it was a beautiful night and the Cubs won. When things are going well it probably pays to be an owner. I'm surprised that a Bears fan didn't tackle McCaskey since last season was such a tire fire. Good thing they fired everyone (and ate millions in salaries to pay people on guaranteed contracts) because even if the Bears stink again this year, you can't do much more than fire everybody and then try to find the best new guys available.

If there's one thing you do at Wrigley Field, it is DRINKING. I went to buy a decent beer (not Bud Light) and I found literally the most inefficient process in the universe. They have a few decent beers (Goose Island) and you stand in a line that serves beer AND FOOD (the dumb lady in front of us ordered hot dogs and a pretzel even though there are a million other places that serve that stuff) and this is one of the few stands where you can get non-piss beer. Then literally the slowest guy in the universe walked over in a couple of trips, got the bottles and cans, and poured them ever so slowly into cups. I have to hand it to the guy he let the foam go down and even topped up the cup. It must have taken 5 minutes AFTER I GOT TO HIM IN LINE. Someone else shouted "pretzel" and he added it to my bill and I'm like "I don't want a pretzel" so he then has to void the transaction and I'm not even going to talk about that but you can imagine the rest.

Wrigley Field must be losing a zillion dollars in lost beer revenue from this insane process. The entire point of Wrigley Field is to efficiently shove alcohol into gargantuan sized Illinois residents and tourists and they've got to find a way to make this occur more efficiently or I will go insane just from the lost opportunity. Ricketts - guy in the photo above - you could literally re-build the stadium out of gold bars if you could figure out this beer process. And it is so damn simple...

1) have a "beer only" section with no food
2) have servers who are not 75 years old and are mentally prepared with the concept that "people are in line to buy beer"
3) find any sort of process that doesn't involve 10 steps to acquire the beer and put it in a vessel of some sorts (a cup?)
4) expedite the payment process - hell put in Apple pay - some how drive this faster