Tuesday, June 19, 2012

South Lot Lap Dance

Way back in 2006 Dan and I saw this absolutely classic photo of a guy getting a lap dance while tailgating in the South Lot.

I found the old photo in its original digital format (like it is some sort of exotic treasure) and I zoomed in and found a few more hilarious elements that we didn't point out back in the early days of DBF.

First of all, who brings not ONE but TWO dogs to the South Lot? I have never seen anyone bring a dog to the tailgate. Why would you do that? What are you going to do with them during the game? Probably they were just going to drink in the lot and not go into the game at all (something that the Park District banned, likely thanks to Mayor Daley and Drunk'n Idiot), I guess. Second - check out the sweet muffin top on that girl. Awesome.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Drunk Bear Fans Correspondent Cards

Dan reinvested our immense, non-existent profits from Drunk Bear Fans into these official correspondent business cards and sent them to me. You can see the front and back. The front is a great shot of someone pounding a "personal pitcher" with the hated Coors Light logo (to be fair, it was full of better beer) and on the back is a classic photo of everyone abandoning their booze by the exit of the tailgate lot as they stagger over to the game. You can see the top white of the Delerium Tremens bottle that I personally left behind.

Whenever we tell people we run the most important site on the intertubes people get excited. So these cards will let you know that you are officially being part of the extended fraternity of correspondents that record drunken fan behavior where ever we go, which is pretty much anywhere here in the midwest.

I recently gave one out and deputized someone for the Notre Dame / Miami football game. He wanted to know which lot to tailgate in and, hey, I know what I am talking about on this topic. I said if you were going to tailgate once in a blue moon the damn South Lot is where it is at. They said they are letting people in 5 hours before the game and it is in early October maybe I will go down just to see the spectacle and take some photos myself. What an honor to be deputized by DBF!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Idiotic Chicago Park District Security

Any tailgater will tell you stories about how idiotic the security is at the Bears tailgate lots. One of my most unbelievable stories was the time we saw the guy from the security firm hired by the Chicago Park District walking around with his pistol in his belt... it wasn't even in a holster! I saw him walk by but missed the photo and no one believed me but then when he came around again we all saw him and laughed our ass off. I think now they at least have holsters.

When Dan and I first got into the South Lot years ago, Dan had a Miller Lite flag that he was flying right below the "Don't Tread on me" flag. The ever-vigilant security dolt came over and said that you can't advertise anything on Park District property so we had to take it down. Ever see the park? There is a huge Miller Light tailgate area on the south end of the park that they advertise every week. Oh well, whatever.

Another time it was raining and we had a tent set up. The security fool came by and said that we had to take it down, no tents or canopies allowed. For this stupid rule they didn't even bother with a justification. One time Gerry's brother Terry pretended he was German and started mouthing off to them in German which was pretty damn funny.

Sometimes the Chicago cops get involved. For some completely insane reason they make you drive in a circle around the lot rather than parking before they open the lot at 8am. Some old cop with a revolver out of the old west in his belt was telling people to move and some drunks (it is before 8am, but lots of people are smashed when they get into the lot, no joke) were shouting at him. I remember him yelling something along the lines of "hey ladies, come on out, and we'll see who is tough" and I do think he would have whupped up on someone in front of the hundreds or thousands of people waiting to get into the lot.

The last game of the horrid end to the 2011 season, Soldier Field began "wanding" every single person going into the stadium, like you were going into an airport. Needless to say this was a fiasco and the line stretched on for miles and miles, it took at least an extra half hour to get in. This is a BAD omen for the 2012 season...

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Simple Things

We have noted before how the Brewers have tailgating DOWN. They built Miller Park with ENORMOUS parking lots by the stadium so everyone can get their food and drink on. As an added bonus, the sausages come around and have fun with the crowd as you see here.
 The crowd was relatively docile, especially for a Cub/Brewer game. It started at 1.10pm on a Thursday so maybe that explains part of it. I am going to a game later in the summer that is a Saturday, 6.05 pm start that I am sure will be much more rowdy. Still, innovation in getting cornwater to desperate patrons is what we are all about. Instead of the vendors doing that STUPID open the can, pour it into a cup, hand it to the patron thing like at Soldier Field, at Miller Park they just twist off the top of the aluminum can and you are good to go. I estimated it cut the serving time by at least 50% compared to the hapless vendors at Soldier Field. On top of that you get a "thank you" from the vendors at Miller Park, while the vendors at SoldierField just try to rip off the patrons.

Monday, June 4, 2012

dbf on location - Milwaukee

We here at Drunk Bear Fans are tasked with a mission. That mission is primarily to document what goes on in and around Soldier Field, as relates to the use and abuse of alcohol. If you did nothing but watch the Bears on TV, you would never have any idea what goes on during tailgating, and in the nose bleeds, where we happily sit, outside of the dreaded PSL zone. On occasion we will record the events at other sporting events, and the results of drunken behavior there. Last weekend I was in Milwaukee for a bicycle race and had a few spare hours. I spent them wisely in downtown bars. Coincidentally, there was a Brewer game that day. The buses pull right up to the bars, and the drunken revelers pile in to head over to Miller Park, to consume more what we lovingly call "corn water". This bar that I was in had an excellent idea - why make the patrons, desperate to dump as much cornwater down their throats as humanly possible in the quickest amount of time, walk that six to ten extra steps to the inside of the bar? Hell, just roll the cooler out to the sidewalk and serve them there. This lovely cheesehead and her boyfriend agree. Sorry about the tiny photo, it was taken with my OLD cellphone (that I will be upgrading soon).

After the Brewer buses left there was some quiet time, then the drunken revelers came back to the bar area. There were a LOT of bachelorette parties. Yea! I am always amused when I tell people that I run a website (ooooh) and I am a correspondent on location gathering vital information and photographs for my job. Even when you tell them it is for Drunk Bear Fans they still seem impressed. I don't think I can remember a time I have ever told someone that they were going to be on DBF and they said "fuck you don't do it". Then again, our targets for information gathering aren't typically the designated drivers. Here is one cute bride to be:

She was 30 and had two kids. Not bad though. Within a few shots she was showing the bartenders her butt and p*ssy. I got a few photos of it from the side.

Later that evening I saw her getting piggy back rides from some dude. It was all over but the crying. Hey, she even gave me a kiss. I am sure that is on someone's social media site somewhere on the tubes.