Monday, September 24, 2012

Making Mom Proud

Does The Wall Street Journal Read Drunk Bear Fans?

You never know. On their back page they have a little blurb about football, particularly RG III and the start of his career with the Redskins called "A Name the Redskins Hope Sticks".

The article follows them walking into the game and looking at all the jerseys - old jerseys and obscure jerseys of some of their doomed QB's along the way (note - we picked up Jason Campbell but gave you sexy Rexy - "trash for trash"). But I love this

I did see one gentleman with a bespoke Washington jersey that read A.DRUNKGUY, and I was grateful for the conscientious heads-up

Hey we had that first with good ol' Drunk'N Idiot and Mayor Daley, stalwart highlight generators for Drunk Bear Fans over at the South Lot since we started this site. They are so great for us we even have a category on the sidebar.

And the focus on obscure jerseys... also one we do better, as you can see from the recent haul of obscurity at the St Louis game.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Shot gunning beer

Part of being a dedicated member of the Drunk Bear Fans crew and doing the most important work on the most important site on the internet is taking the time to talk to drunks throughout the lot.

It is generally polite to ask if you are going to take a photo of video of someone - here I am pointing a camera at her and she notices and is later happy to be part of the Drunk Bear Fans empire (Dan will post a movie later). We notice because she was about to shotgun a beer and was drinking horrid Bud Light and also the dreaded Coors Light you can see cans strewn about.

Dan is filming her and asking her to finish up the last of the vile swill her shot-gunned beer. We need to be thorough.

This girl has some great lines I won't spoil it will wait for the video and you can hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

More Obscure Jerseys

We hit the veritable "mother lode" of obscure jerseys at the St Louis game.

The sharp eyes of Dan's guests noted that this wasn't the usual 23 Devin Hester - this is the 23 for Jerry Azumah! If she wears her hair long enough likely no one will know, and certainly no one would suspect that this jersey still exists.

Dusty Devoracek... he had one of the shortest and most bust-like careers of a (relatively) high 3rd round draft choices in years... he had 31 tackles total for the Bears and played in only a few games. Yet someone bought his jersey...

This one is crazy. Who creates a jersey for a long-snapper? Mannelly? I agree that it is important to have a long snapper on the roster but I can't believe anyone would be excited enough to buy a jersey for one. Look - he snapped that punt - awesome.

Also interesting is the fact that Mannelly, a guy who must not get banged up very much, has had a long career (since 1998) while Azumah and Devoracek flamed out very quickly.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

High Five Guy

We noticed this guy about midway through the second quarter during the Colts game. He was extremely intoxicated and was high fiving every woman coming up the aisle, including grandmas. In this video he tries to high five a chick but she doesn't see him so he is left hanging. If he didn't have to leave to take a piss he would have high fived cute Cutler chick for sure. As it is, he still gave her ass a good look.

Later, his friend WISELY positioned himself on the aisle, trying to get High Five Guy out of the aisle and away from the girls he was harassing. It was to no avail but this Colts babe wasn't taking any of his shit.

The friend got the better of the day and they left early before the Red Shirts came to get them.

Red Shirts

Up in the cheap seats we have the red shirts who kick out drunks and other people behaving badly. I am not sure what was up with this but here is some video of what happens when somone is getting kicked out. The dude with the black pony tail came from the top of the stadium, presumably from some doors that Carl and I noticed for the first time atop the 400 section. We likely noticed these doors for the first time because we were both sober. So he comes down from the top to block the short end of the aisle, and the dude with the crappy toupee, radio piece and sunglasses comes from the other side down the row, presumably to grab the person they want to kick out. From the way they are looking around I am guessing this was a smoker - I am guessing that they were looking for a cigarette butt on the ground. Bears "security" scans the stadium with binocs for people behaving badly and they really, really hate smoking in there. But nobody ever got tossed after this episode so they must have received some bad info.

Bears Butt

I always cringe when I see a little kid at the Bear game because I always know what they will see and hear as we have documented here on these pages. Sort of like how I cringe when I see a little kid in Vegas. But this kid has a pretty decent looking mom who creatively adorned her jeans with Bear logos. Good wife/mom. But bad wife/mom for allowing the kid to go to the game unless a) in some sort of suite or b) this is their first game and they didn't know what they were getting into.

Ticket Time

Chicago's finest were very busy at the home opener against the hated Colts. After you get out of the tailgating lots, there is NO BOOZE on the streets. Here is Dick Butkus getting an open container love letter from the city. I know, I know, there are serious crimes going on all over Chicago, but that would take actual work, and it is a lot easier to collect fines from the hapless drunks at the Bear game.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Dan Rocks Out With the Cornwater Vendor

This guy just sat down and made himself at home up in the cheap seats with us. As always it is mayhem getting up and down the stairs with the beer vendors clogging half of it up, since they can't just hand you an aluminum can with the top off like they do in way more efficient stadiums and instead have to idiotically pour it into a plastic cup and then walk around with a ton of empties. I guess this is because they don't want us raining down aluminum cans, but this seems dumb because lots of other stadiums have already converted over.

But that won't stop the Bears, hell, we have the stooooopid drum line over cheerleaders, we pick a bad plan and we STICK WITH IT.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Chicago Park District Sucks (but a bit less...)

Mmmm mmm we always get an awesome tailgate when Gerry / Terry or Dan are doing the cooking; not so much when Carl is getting sandwiches from Subway or something else that sucks. But we all agree - don't eat the food at Soldier Field. Here are the dishes laid out as examples for drunken fans. Don't worry, you'll see them again coming out the other side soon enough.

They were wanding people coming in to the stadium. I am too lazy to look it up but likely this is some sort of NFL rule. They started doing this on the last regular season home game and it almost started riots (see here). This is the line before game time (I took it from inside the stadium, through the fence - this is the north side by the museum); we packed up our tailgate early to avoid the line and got in just fine about a half hour before kickoff but a lot of people who waited were stuck in this line or ones elsewhere around the stadium and they probably got in late.

Can't believe I'm saying this but the parking situation prior to the start of the tailgate wasn't as idiotic as usual. Typically they "roust" you and don't let you idle in one spot before they open the Adler lot at 8am. This time they let us sit and we were one of the first people in line. We asked if we could park by the grass to set up our tent and the guy said something along the line of

I take care of you, you take care of me
He did give us a great spot (although the "hated jukebox" parked near us, later) so I went up to him and gave him a ten spot surreptitiously.

That's the "Chicago Way".

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Suit Crew on the Weather Channel

The suit crew were on the weather channel with their local correspondent at the Bears' game at the season opener.

They even got the correspondent to wear an orange suit to be a suit crew guy for a day.

I wonder if he got the section 436 tattoo later.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Impractical (but cool) Shoes for the Cheap Seats

Dedicated correspondent Gerry caught these custom Bears high heels on the shoes of a female Bear fan.

Not drunk but very cool. Especially because we know that she had to climb the stairs way up to the cheap seats in 'em. I think Gerry counted them and there were over 75 stairs plus it is like half a mile from the entrance into the seats in the first place.

Official Bears Tailgate Music

Dan and I often debate what the official music of a typical Bears tailgate is. There are only two options:

1) Van Halen I
2) Van Halen II

Based on this video (featured in Deadspin, gotta love 'em) the use of "You Really Got Me" from VH I now has become the official album due to this incredible tie breaker.

Tattoo Your Section Number on Your Arm

You gotta' love the dedication of the suit crew. Tattoo your section number on your arm - 436. That way if you are too drunk to know where you sit you can always just look at it. Kind of like that guy in the movie Momento.

I said that he should have written "No PSL" below the tattoo and he laughed and agreed. No PSL for the cheap seats!

Beer Vendor Self Service

This guy is lending a helping hand to his local beer vendor. Everyone apparently gets tired on the march up to the cheap seats.

Security Tightened at Bears

My information is only limited to the drunk sections way up in the cheap seats but it seems like drunkenness is being less tolerated at the Bears. Fans must be using the "text" option to tell security about who's being even more drunk than the norm and the security guys in red jackets come up and bounce them out.

This guy was a few rows down from us and was a chatty and annoying drunk to those around him. After a while two guys below him started having words with him and soon the security guys all showed up (they block one end of the aisle and then the other guys cross from the other end as if they are cornering someone in an alley). It seems like they are trying pretty hard since this guy was so drunk it was unlikely that he remembered a game was on.

The funny part of this is that the crew he was with stayed for what seemed like another quarter or so before they went out to presumably find him passed out outside Soldier Field or to pull him out of the drunk tank or where ever they put him. He seemed to go without a fight so probably wasn't too much worse for wear.

Security also came to see a guy a couple rows behind me that they accused of smoking but he wasn't tossed. I always recommend not smoking because they look for that everywhere.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Drunk (Girl) Bear Fans

These girls were already posing for a hard drinking Bears game photo so I just took one, too.

This is the proper amount of booze and nachos for a female Bear fan; either that or I should marry her someone sent her all the way down to the concourse to buy beer and then she brought 3 of them through the crowd all the way up to the cheap seats.

I don't know what it is about our section but this girl fell asleep not far from where one did last year. But she was up a bit later.

Hated Jukebox Playlist

We got to the Adler lot right when it opened up for the Bears vs. Dolts and received a prime grassy spot on the edge of the parking lot as a result. Ominously, there were traffic cones set up for three parking spots nearby where the Chicago Park District wasn't putting any cars and I predicted that, uh oh, the hated Jukebox (see photo and post here) was going to set up right near us. Unfortunately I was right and the jukebox was set up at a blasting volume level and we got to hear the abysmal and predictable playlist. Let's share it together...

- Moves like Jagger
- Thunderstruck

This was amazing because Dan predicted right off the bat that the first song would be Thunderstruck by AC/DC. And it was the second song!

- Don't Treat Me Bad by Firehose

Dan guessed Trixter and I give Dan immense credit for even remembering that Trixter existed. But it was the obscure band Firehouse. And here's another tidbit for that terrible band "At the 1992 American Music Awards, FireHouse won the award for Favorite Heavy Metal/Hard Rock New Artist. They were chosen over Nirvana and Alice in Chains." AARRGHH

Don't Stop Believing
We're not Gonna Take It
Pour some Sugar on Me
Here I Go Again

Some more just abysmal classic rock music.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The World's Most Obscure Jersey

Dan and I are always on the lookout for obscure jerseys. Back in 2009 we hit the "mother lode" when this guy walked by (sorry about the grainy photo it was a fast shot and the photographer meaning me was probably intoxicated) in a GARRETT WOLFE jersey. Awesome. Wolfe was from Northern Illinois university and rushed for a grand total of 274 yards in his CAREER with the Bears as a third string running back.
I would not have believed this jersey existed if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. It is like seeing Sasquatch or something. Awesome.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

That Time of Year

Well, DBF fans, only a few more days until the season opener and we will have tons more content for the best site on the 'ol intertubes.  Here's a little taste to get you ready: