Friday, October 14, 2016

Mayor Daley Returns!


Our (two) loyal readers know that we are fans of the great "Mayor Daley"!  He takes his shirt off around 10:30 and screams about how it is "our house" and a bunch of unintelligible other raving.  He is easy to spot because he hangs around with a big guy whose shirt says "Drunk'n Idiot".  If you want to get a laugh look at some of our Mayor Daley videos by clicking here.   I'd have to say that NO ONE represents the ethos of the drunken Bears fan more than Mayor Daley.

Fan on Field

I am going out on a limb here making the assumption that the idiot who ran out in the gorilla suit was a drunk. Pretty funny up in the stands though.

Fruity Drinks In the Stands?

Up in the cheap seats I noticed some innovation by the loathsome Chicago Park District - some sort of fruity alcoholic drink for girls. Or this guy. Wouldn't want to get a big stand of this crap spilled on you.

Bears Fans

This guy is a motorcycle rider with a message I'd assume.


Chicago probably is about as safe as Compton if you are in the wrong neighborhood. But probably OK where this guy is from (likely the burbs anyways).



This guy is a bona-fide sports fan almost every team and stadium tattooed on his arm. That's a lot of drinking I'd assume.

Cutler Makes Me Drink

We saw a lot of these shirts on Chicago fans. Cutty has never been too popular in these parts. I think many of these folks would be drinking anyways. Soon they will need a new shirt for Hoyer or whomever replaces him when our porous O-Line allows him to get stomped.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Efficient Beer Line Theory

After living in the midwest my entire life I moved to Portland recently. Thus I am not completely surrounded by morbidly obese binge drinking alcoholics at all times - which is frankly confusing to me since that's all I know and understand.

For instance - one thing that any Bears fan would take for granted is that
From your current location, it will take the same time to get a beer from any of the available options
Let me give you an example - if there is a beer line right by you, it is probably long. If there is one far away, it probably has a shorter line, but it will take you a while to get there (and back). THIS EQUALIZES INSTANTLY BECAUSE ALL DRUNKS ARE CONSTANTLY MONITORING THIS EQUATION. We just take for granted that this is how every human views the world, looking to maximize their booze consumption.


However, in Portland, there are inefficiencies everywhere. I recently was at a show and there were long beer lines and I looked to a different part of the concert hall and there was a short line. This can't be, I thought. If there is a short line, there must be something wrong (like they only have strange alcohol or, God forbid, no booze at all). But I just walked over and got a drink in the short line while all the buffoons stood stock-still in the in-efficient line.

I can't shake this hard-won ability to obtain beer in the most rapid and efficient manner because it is hard wired into my brain after years of midwestern sporting events and bars. Try out this theory next time you go anywhere and you will see for yourself.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Bringing an NFL fan to Soldier Field

Recently I was out drinking with a couple I met in Portland and the husband was a big football fan. He grew up in Kansas and somehow became a Steelers' fan. However, he's never been to an NFL game in his entire life.

I told him about my (doomed) allegiance to the Chicago Bears' even though I've moved away from Chicago and said if he wanted to go to a game and tailgate he could come out for the Bears vs. Lions on October 2nd when we were all getting together. There are only a few games with nice weather in Chicago and a Sunday noon start (as God intended) and this is mostly about it for 2016.

So he's interested. How to introduce a regular, normal NFL fan to what is to occur at Soldier Field? Well Drunk Bear Fans, of course, the most important site on the internet. I showed him some videos and photos of our fans at their very best.

But what else to expect? Likely very bad football, since this is the Bears vs. the Lions. And to a non-midwestern person, an incredible amount of alcohol drunk as fast as humanly possible before, during and after the game. Regular folks don't think that the optimal amount of booze to drink before the game is a 12 pack (each), but that's about right in the South Lot. And then you drink during the game, likely slowing down a bit due mainly to the idiotic logistics required to carry cans up to our nosebleed seats and then pour them, one at a time, into a cup while drunks stumble up and down the stairs in the way of everything.

Terrible food (except during our awesome tailgate). Never eat anything at Soldier Field. This ain't Jerry's world.

If you need to go to the bathroom, go with a few minutes to go before halftime. If you go at halftime, you will be down there so long you will miss the first few minutes of the third quarter. Yes, I guess they forgot that lots of guys are at Soldier Field drinking as fast as they can and that this is something you can "plan for" when you make a stadium. But the Bears didn't.

Lately we've been deafened in the cheap seats by announcements and music. Likely because the crowd is sitting on their hands (a 1-7 home record in 2015 will dampen the enthusiasm a bit).

We'll see what astounds him the most. The long, epic slog to the cheap non PSL seats, the incredible drunks, the bad football, the lack of bathrooms, or the fact that it takes forever to get out of the stadium if you happen to stay until the (likely bitter) end.

But hell I've been looking forward to this game all year!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Ironic Jersey

One of our favorite pastimes here at DBF is the "obscure jersey".  This is a variant of the obscure jersey - in Portland a young-ish (under 30) hipster was wearing a #9 McMahon jersey in a likely ironic fashion.  He probably bought it from a thrift store or something.

At least I used this opportunity to educate my nephew about McMahon and Charles Martin - the Green Bay scumbag who did a body slam on our QB during an interception return and cost the Bears a second Super Bowl.  I said how Bears fans were happy he's dead and gone.  His whole wikipedia page basically discusses this cheap shot - maybe the cheapest shot of all time (probably written by a Bears fan).