Monday, August 22, 2016

Bringing an NFL fan to Soldier Field

Recently I was out drinking with a couple I met in Portland and the husband was a big football fan. He grew up in Kansas and somehow became a Steelers' fan. However, he's never been to an NFL game in his entire life.

I told him about my (doomed) allegiance to the Chicago Bears' even though I've moved away from Chicago and said if he wanted to go to a game and tailgate he could come out for the Bears vs. Lions on October 2nd when we were all getting together. There are only a few games with nice weather in Chicago and a Sunday noon start (as God intended) and this is mostly about it for 2016.

So he's interested. How to introduce a regular, normal NFL fan to what is to occur at Soldier Field? Well Drunk Bear Fans, of course, the most important site on the internet. I showed him some videos and photos of our fans at their very best.

But what else to expect? Likely very bad football, since this is the Bears vs. the Lions. And to a non-midwestern person, an incredible amount of alcohol drunk as fast as humanly possible before, during and after the game. Regular folks don't think that the optimal amount of booze to drink before the game is a 12 pack (each), but that's about right in the South Lot. And then you drink during the game, likely slowing down a bit due mainly to the idiotic logistics required to carry cans up to our nosebleed seats and then pour them, one at a time, into a cup while drunks stumble up and down the stairs in the way of everything.

Terrible food (except during our awesome tailgate). Never eat anything at Soldier Field. This ain't Jerry's world.

If you need to go to the bathroom, go with a few minutes to go before halftime. If you go at halftime, you will be down there so long you will miss the first few minutes of the third quarter. Yes, I guess they forgot that lots of guys are at Soldier Field drinking as fast as they can and that this is something you can "plan for" when you make a stadium. But the Bears didn't.

Lately we've been deafened in the cheap seats by announcements and music. Likely because the crowd is sitting on their hands (a 1-7 home record in 2015 will dampen the enthusiasm a bit).

We'll see what astounds him the most. The long, epic slog to the cheap non PSL seats, the incredible drunks, the bad football, the lack of bathrooms, or the fact that it takes forever to get out of the stadium if you happen to stay until the (likely bitter) end.

But hell I've been looking forward to this game all year!!!